Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We need a shit load of segways right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
