My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
