so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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