i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I could make wine with my vomit
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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