His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
