Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize