You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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