I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
