life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
