yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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