Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
