I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
