Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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