i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
