I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
