I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
