i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't turn off my feet"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
