i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
