OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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