when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
