hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
