Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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