Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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