I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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