The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
