i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize