he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
