We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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