Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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