Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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