I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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