Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
