OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
