The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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