You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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