just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
