Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
