So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize