Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
