He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
