I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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