Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
