Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think people are normalizing furries
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
