I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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