Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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