Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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