atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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