I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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