with your own penis?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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