If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
