you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize