No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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