Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
