jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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