Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
