i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
