how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize