covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
