not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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