wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
