Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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