Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
