You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
