I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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