my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i've created a new STD.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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