Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
