I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
