Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
