So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
