life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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