My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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