sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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