if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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