lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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