flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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