This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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