sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
