Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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