this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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