did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
