I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
