Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
