But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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