Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
