I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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