I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize