so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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