Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
