alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
