Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
