too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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