Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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